Thought for the day

If you always do what you've always done
you always get what you've always got

STAGES OF A RELATIONSHIP

1. COURTSHIP

‘Falling in Love’, a very passionate, very romantic, idealised relationship. The challenge at this stage is for each person to allow themselves to become vulnerable, to take the risk that by opening themselves to the other person they may hurt. Usually the partners are blind to any problems and there is no other reality.

2. HONEYMOON

The relationship is happy and stable at this time. The emphasis is on the couple’s ‘sameness’. They do everything together. The challenges are being able to separate enough from their family and developing the expression of their positive emotions, love and sexuality.

3. DIFFERENTIATION

Some differences start to emerge. The couple do less together and more as individuals. Each is able to see aspects of their partner that they may not have seen before. They no longer are perfect. It is a challenge for many people to be able to tolerate the decrease in the intensity of the relationship and an increase in the emotional distance will be perceived as evidence of the partner being selfish, stubborn, uncaring or withdrawn.

4. CONFLICT

It is common during this stage to feel quite disillusioned with your partner and to tend to blame them for any difficulties. ‘If only they would change, everything would be alright.’ There are many challenges to face during this stage, developing the necessary skills:

• Express negative emotions to their partner; hurt, anger, fear
• Communicate openly and honestly
• Raise issues as necessary
• Resolve conflicts constructively
• Open themselves to self examination and to increase their self awareness
• Take responsibility for their own part in the interactions of the relationship

The risks for this stage are that many couples lose faith in each other, lose their sense of hope for the future, deciding that they have ‘fallen out of love’ and decide to separate.

5. MUTUAL INTERDEPENDENCE

This stage is characterised by the following aspects:

• Both are able to act independently, feel capable and competent in their own right
• Both are able to provide support for their partner when needed
• Both partners feel that their needs are being met both physically and emotionally
• Both partners are staying in the relationship by choice – not because of expectations of others such as family or religious beliefs or to avoid the fears of leaving.
• Both are able to take individual responsibility

The couple should now have increased respect for both themselves and their partner, increased trust in the strength of the relationship and increased hope for the future. The challenge now is for the couple to be flexible and adaptable enough to adjust to all of life’s changes over time. They should be able to tolerate closeness without fearing suffocation.

JOURNEY DVD – WE NEED YOUR STORIES

Laurie Collins is creating a DVD that testifies to the power of The Journey. This will be a powerful DVD for all of us and is funded by those whose lives have been enriched and transformed through The Journey as a THANK YOU.

WE NEED YOUR HELP WITH STORIES – Laurie will be in Sydney 8-12^th October to assist with filming and would like to use your stories as testimonials.

How has your own life changed, and how that has rippled out to your loved ones and greater community? Can you think of someone who would be good to interview, it may even be yourself?

Please email me with your stories and let me know if you are around Sydney 8-12^th then please let me know.

Paul Potts First Audition singing Nessun Dorma

Are you spending your life doing what you're meant to do? Are you passionate about what you're doing?

Voices In Your Head - Talking To Your Self - Just Relax, We All Have Them And Do That

Voice Dialogue (VD) is an excellent way of getting to know your inner selves directly by talking to them. In addition to this, the developers of VD, Hal and Sidra Stone (1993), believe that it is an extremely effective method for exploring and eventually coming to grips with the different inner selves. As with any approach to personal growth, VD is not necessarily appropriate for everyone and must be seen in the context of all the psycho spiritual work that you do. VD is a way of working that can be integrated into any growth-enhancing or therapeutic system. It is not designed to replace anything but rather to add richness to whatever it is that you are now doing.

THE BASIC COMPONENTS OF VOICE DIALOGUE

An exploration of our subpersonalities:

VD offers an opportunity to separate the subpersonalities from the total personality and deal with them as independent, interacting psychic units or energy systems. In using VD, we directly engage these subpersonalities or voices in a dialogue without the interference of a critical, embarrassed, or repressive protector/controller.

The role of the Ego:

VD definitely separates the ego from the protector/controller and the primary subpersonalities that work alongside it. The ego occupies a central physical space, and the subpersonalities play out their conflicts around it. When different subpersonalities take over, the facilitator will point out this takeover and ask the subject to move to another space, and engage the subpersonality directly. In this way the ego becomes more and more clearly differentiated; that is to say, it becomes a more aware ego.

Enhancement of awareness:

VD introduces awareness into our psychological make-up. Physical spaces exist for each subpersonality, for the ego who coordinates and executes, and, separate from all the others, for our awareness.

GUIDELINES FOR THE USE OF VOICE DIALOGUE

Identification of subpersonalities: Creating a psychic map

The first step in facilitating VD is the identification of the subpersonalities. The facilitator encourages the subject to talk about life in general or about a specific experience that seems important. The conversation between them serves several functions: it establishes or enhances rapport, it conveys information, and most importantly for the VD process, it gives the facilitator the opportunity to create a ‘psychic map’ of the territory.

Physically separating subpersonalities

When the facilitator (with the consent of the subject) talks to a specific subpersonality, the subject should move to a different space in the room, which means changing chairs.

Facilitating the subpersonalities

From this point on, the facilitator simply talks to the subpersonality as he or she would be a real person. The facilitator can be empathetic and non-judgemental, asking questions when appropriate, or simply listening.

A basic principle of VD work is: whatever progress is made is acceptable – specific problems do not need to be resolved in a single session. The aware ego is responsible for any problem solving.

Separating the subpersonalities from the aware ego

In order to separate a subpersonality from the aware ego, encourage each voice to speak of the subject as a separate entity. After the session, we return to the aware ego in its particular position, and the facilitator and subject discuss the session in whatever fashion they choose.

Further important details

Remaining non-judgemental: It is important to remain non-judgemental. The voices are like people: If the facilitator is truly open and interested, they will blossom.

Relax and take your time: Subpersonalities, as said before, are like people: They like to feel that they have your undivided attention as well as plenty of time to express themselves. A facilitator may have to sit in silence for quite some time before a vulnerable child will even speak. Often, the voice that takes forty minutes to be fully uncovered is a most important part of the personality.

Observing changes in energy patterns: Each subpersonality is a distinct energy pattern – each has a distinct facial expression, posture, and tone of voice.

Voice dialogue as an altered state of consciousness: The aware ego and the protector/controller, who usually dominate consciousness, are set aside temporarily as other energy patterns are given the opportunity to speak. With this in mind, the facilitator will automatically be careful when dealing with a voice. Because of that, the way the session ends is critical. It is important to return the subject to an ordinary state of consciousness.

Voice dialogue is not a substitute for personal reactions: VD should only be carried out in an atmosphere of mutual trust and respect.

Speaking the Truth

'Live your life at the campfire' says Brandon Bays (The Journey), meaning that we do not need to wait years to deal with issues but rather deal with them right here in the now. Whenever you are ready to let go of stored emotions, empty out all the past pain and come to a place where complete forgiveness is possible -- let it happen! Your life will provide you with enough opportunities to learn, understand, and let go - WHEN you do each step is your choice.

How do you ‘Speak the Truth’?

In relation to people we always have situations happen that leave emotional scaring. As soon as this is realized it is time to deal with it: If it is appropriate going back to the person and emptying out and speaking about what is really here is one solution. You will find that sentences that use the model of owning your feelings (‘I feel … because …’) bring far more resolution than the blaming statements (‘you make me feel …’ and ‘it’s all your fault…’).

The other solution is creating a campfire in your imagination. Invite the people involved in the situation and imagine a conversation taking place between them. Once everything has been said and there is a sense of completeness you are ready to ask for and offer forgiveness.

What’s the benefit of ‘Speaking the Truth’?

Speaking the Truth allows you to travel light. The process of clearing blocks, unloading baggage and letting go of resentment or hurt allows you to be open and present in the NOW. How often do you spend your time thinking about what happened, what you should have or could have said or trying to find someone to blame? What would you do with this valuable time if you did not know how to hold onto those issues and where able to deal with them in a constructive way?

Heaven is not a place out there
It is an inner state of presence
Awareness of NOW
So there is nowhere to get to
Nowhere to arrive
You are home – Welcome home.

Click here to view this article on ezine: Speaking the truth